Samapan: Conclusion
Did you call for me My Kanu?
Here I come
I have been waiting for your call
This is whyI did not absolve myself
For I knew
Someday you would call my name
In longing
And here I come!
I have been waiting all this while;
At the crossroads of Life-
So that this time,
When you leave,
I come with you!
Oh my beloved!
Why did you hesitate
To take me along?
Without me, how could you write history?
Without your Radha beside you,
Your words remain hollow,
meaningless,Bloodthirsty sounds!
Oh my Dearest!
You need me,Here I come-
None can accuse me-
Of having abandoned you,
at your time of need for me.
Let the whole world know that Radha;
was not merely a note in your Song-
Radha was The Melody, The Music;
I have come to you my Dearest!
You who weaved fiery blossoms into my tresses!
Tarry not anymore;
To weave meaning into History!
Finally you have called for me-
I have been waiting so long,
Firm and steady at the crossroads-
You have called my name;
Here I come to you,My lord!
{Radha was The One Woman who had claimed Krishna as a whole-Destiny separated them, Time could not dull the pain, the agony, the ache of separation-Their love for each other would remain the same-They would never meet, but they belonged to each other-their love transcended Time, Space-the anguished yearning for Radha, for the touch of her hand on his fevered brow-the utter sense of hopelessness-and yet they were One!( Kamala Subramanian- The Mahabharatha)}
Wednesday, March 16, 2005
Itihaas-7
Samudraswapn-The dream of the Ocean
Today, My Kanu,
I saw in My Dreams-
The vast depthless ocean;
On whose serpent bed,
Have We been reclining,
Since Time Immemmorial!
Where once the
Brilliant Sun arose-
Today what do I see?
Millions of barren oysters;
Lashing in the waves;
Adorned with helmets of moss,
Armed with bows of dead fish,
Ready for war!
And you standing aside;
Dejected, morose,
Sometimes mediator,
Sometimes indifferent;
At other times-
At War!
And finally, I see;
You are exhausted,
Dejected, desolate,
Gloomy, inconsolable,
Dazed in melancholic stupor-
You rest your fevered brow,
Upon My shoulders;
Disconsolate, seeking solace, comfort-
Your wandering fingers,
Scribble on the shore;
With no expectations, no hopes.
Simply to cool your weary fingers-I
n the placid waters,
For momentary relief-
I saw the Ocean
In my dream Kanu,
Poisoned crests, lifeless Suns,
Barren Oyesters, Dead Fish,
The waves are relentless,
And you with upraised arms;
Are entreating aloud in vain,
But Alas nobody gives a ear!
Finally, You return;
Defeated, desolate, saddened,
Laying your head on my Bosom,
You fall asleep-
And my bosom;
Like the soft lotus leaf
Afloat on the sea-
On which You recline;
Rocked to slumber,
in the cradle of the waves-
Your lips move ever so softly:-
"My Duty, what is My duty"-
The Waters Pat you to sleep.
The Waves rock You to sleep.:-
Sleep Mighty Saint, Sleep,
Slumber is Salvation:-
You murmur in your sleep::-
"What is Justice, Wisdom,
Who decides the line
differentiating Right from Wrong?"
:-The Waves answer::-
"Sleep on, Lord of The Universe,
Awakening is merely a Dream
A Deception, A Delusion!"-
Beads of sweat on your brow;
Your lips quiver,
You start in shock!
You had no touchstone,
By which to decide;
And so You gamble away-
The fateful Decision-
Like a game of Dice!:-
"Duty is at my feet,
Vice at my headside"
:-Hearing which,
The exhausted waves
Signal the floods to begin!
And You sit on the shores
Looking up with vacant,melancholic gaze
You shudder to think-:-
"What if I had found Duryodhan at my feet;
That day!Ah Arjuna!
I too have been
A naive lad
On the shores Of the vast Ocean of Destiny!!"
I saw the Ocean
In my dream today
Oh Kanu!
The winds are blowing
The trees are rustling
Along the shores.
All in vain,Pathetic attempts;
To create an imprint
On the sands of Time!
History stumbles on crutches!
The Gandiva that was-
Empowered by your incantations;
Has now sunk like wet moss!
And now you areDisconsolate, depressed-
Near the shore,Are coconut trees-
You sit silently-
Under an ancient Peepul tree,
Silent, morose, Indifferent,
And today, for- The first time,
There is fatigue
On your brow
You are exhausted, cheerless,
You look on detached;
A sigh escapes from your lips-
FinallyYou have abandoned
HistoryLike old clothing-
And at this momentOf Failure, Of Agony,
You have finally remembered Me!
The glow of the lamp is flickering;
Darkness is approaching,
Your long tired arms;
Are the waves of the Ocean-
The lost oysters are your quivering lips-
And at last today,
You are but a call,
A deep beckoning,
You are calling for Me!
You have abandoned everything
You are lost-
You are seeking me!!!
Today, My Kanu,
I saw in My Dreams-
The vast depthless ocean;
On whose serpent bed,
Have We been reclining,
Since Time Immemmorial!
Where once the
Brilliant Sun arose-
Today what do I see?
Millions of barren oysters;
Lashing in the waves;
Adorned with helmets of moss,
Armed with bows of dead fish,
Ready for war!
And you standing aside;
Dejected, morose,
Sometimes mediator,
Sometimes indifferent;
At other times-
At War!
And finally, I see;
You are exhausted,
Dejected, desolate,
Gloomy, inconsolable,
Dazed in melancholic stupor-
You rest your fevered brow,
Upon My shoulders;
Disconsolate, seeking solace, comfort-
Your wandering fingers,
Scribble on the shore;
With no expectations, no hopes.
Simply to cool your weary fingers-I
n the placid waters,
For momentary relief-
I saw the Ocean
In my dream Kanu,
Poisoned crests, lifeless Suns,
Barren Oyesters, Dead Fish,
The waves are relentless,
And you with upraised arms;
Are entreating aloud in vain,
But Alas nobody gives a ear!
Finally, You return;
Defeated, desolate, saddened,
Laying your head on my Bosom,
You fall asleep-
And my bosom;
Like the soft lotus leaf
Afloat on the sea-
On which You recline;
Rocked to slumber,
in the cradle of the waves-
Your lips move ever so softly:-
"My Duty, what is My duty"-
The Waters Pat you to sleep.
The Waves rock You to sleep.:-
Sleep Mighty Saint, Sleep,
Slumber is Salvation:-
You murmur in your sleep::-
"What is Justice, Wisdom,
Who decides the line
differentiating Right from Wrong?"
:-The Waves answer::-
"Sleep on, Lord of The Universe,
Awakening is merely a Dream
A Deception, A Delusion!"-
Beads of sweat on your brow;
Your lips quiver,
You start in shock!
You had no touchstone,
By which to decide;
And so You gamble away-
The fateful Decision-
Like a game of Dice!:-
"Duty is at my feet,
Vice at my headside"
:-Hearing which,
The exhausted waves
Signal the floods to begin!
And You sit on the shores
Looking up with vacant,melancholic gaze
You shudder to think-:-
"What if I had found Duryodhan at my feet;
That day!Ah Arjuna!
I too have been
A naive lad
On the shores Of the vast Ocean of Destiny!!"
I saw the Ocean
In my dream today
Oh Kanu!
The winds are blowing
The trees are rustling
Along the shores.
All in vain,Pathetic attempts;
To create an imprint
On the sands of Time!
History stumbles on crutches!
The Gandiva that was-
Empowered by your incantations;
Has now sunk like wet moss!
And now you areDisconsolate, depressed-
Near the shore,Are coconut trees-
You sit silently-
Under an ancient Peepul tree,
Silent, morose, Indifferent,
And today, for- The first time,
There is fatigue
On your brow
You are exhausted, cheerless,
You look on detached;
A sigh escapes from your lips-
FinallyYou have abandoned
HistoryLike old clothing-
And at this momentOf Failure, Of Agony,
You have finally remembered Me!
The glow of the lamp is flickering;
Darkness is approaching,
Your long tired arms;
Are the waves of the Ocean-
The lost oysters are your quivering lips-
And at last today,
You are but a call,
A deep beckoning,
You are calling for Me!
You have abandoned everything
You are lost-
You are seeking me!!!
Itihaas-6
Shabd- Arthheen-Words-Meaningless sounds
But how will you
explain to me my Kanu,
Words , sounds
are meaningless to me
if not uttered by You-
With your quivering lips-
As you sit beside me,
Playing with my tresses-
Words are mere sounds-
Duty, Faith, Decision, Responsibility-
I too have heard these words
Resound in lanes and alleys.
Perhaps Arjuna finds them meaningful!
But to Me-
Alas!These words mean nothing!
All I can see
As you utter them;
Is your moving lips,
Your dusky, swaying body,
Your long, slender neck,
Your raised sandal arms,
Your uplifted gaze,
Your magic weaving lips-
And I imagine;
Myself instead of Arjuna-
And my heart trembles
In longing, yearning-
I do not know
What the war is all about?
Whose side am I on?
What is the dispute?
What is the War for?
But my heart is filled
with yearning
Simply because
I love to listen
To You talking-
And the Armies come to a halt!
History awaits-
It is just me, only Me
Listening to you speak,
Utter words!
Duty, Faith, Decision, Responsibilities-
These words mean nothing to me;
I just keep gazing up at you,
Without batting my eyelids.
Every word, an offering,
I swallow into my soul.
Your effulgence
Sets ablaze
My wilted soul-
The words that you utter;
One after the other,
As they fall from your lips,
Like Rajnigandha blossoms,
When they reach my ears-
Become just Radha! Radhan!
The words, countless perhaps;
But their meaning just one-
Me! Me! only Me!
Then How My Kanu,
Will you explain
History to Me???
But how will you
explain to me my Kanu,
Words , sounds
are meaningless to me
if not uttered by You-
With your quivering lips-
As you sit beside me,
Playing with my tresses-
Words are mere sounds-
Duty, Faith, Decision, Responsibility-
I too have heard these words
Resound in lanes and alleys.
Perhaps Arjuna finds them meaningful!
But to Me-
Alas!These words mean nothing!
All I can see
As you utter them;
Is your moving lips,
Your dusky, swaying body,
Your long, slender neck,
Your raised sandal arms,
Your uplifted gaze,
Your magic weaving lips-
And I imagine;
Myself instead of Arjuna-
And my heart trembles
In longing, yearning-
I do not know
What the war is all about?
Whose side am I on?
What is the dispute?
What is the War for?
But my heart is filled
with yearning
Simply because
I love to listen
To You talking-
And the Armies come to a halt!
History awaits-
It is just me, only Me
Listening to you speak,
Utter words!
Duty, Faith, Decision, Responsibilities-
These words mean nothing to me;
I just keep gazing up at you,
Without batting my eyelids.
Every word, an offering,
I swallow into my soul.
Your effulgence
Sets ablaze
My wilted soul-
The words that you utter;
One after the other,
As they fall from your lips,
Like Rajnigandha blossoms,
When they reach my ears-
Become just Radha! Radhan!
The words, countless perhaps;
But their meaning just one-
Me! Me! only Me!
Then How My Kanu,
Will you explain
History to Me???
Itihaas-5
Ek Prashn-Just One Question
Alright My Kanu!
The Mighty Krishna!
Just suppose for a moment
That I grant
That those moments of bliss, ecstasy
Were just figments
of my colourful imagination
Just wishful thinking, dreams-
And that those words were mere sounds
Hollow and meaningless-
Even if I accept
Just for a moment
That sin, redemption
Duty, Justice, Punishment
Are all the whole Truths,
The Only Truths-
Even then I am helpless
My Kanu!
I still remain
the very same
Ignorant lass
Your frivolous playmate
Who knows only what you tell her
Even if I collate
all that you have given me
I fail to understand
This Mighty Truth-
This War,This Destruction-
The placid waters
of the Yamuna,
Where I used to sit for hours together;
Gazing at my reflection-
Today on its banks,
Are countless ships and boats;
Filled with weapons of Death!
Where are they bound ?
Those broken bits of chariots,
Shreds of torn flags-
Whose are those?
Defeated soldiers,
Victorious soldiers
The roars that resound the skies
The stories of War
Of pain, of sorrow..
Tell me ,Is this The Truth?
Did you beckon the vultures?
Like you used to beckon
your meek cattle once?
Is this The Truth
And not That which has passed?
I fail to understand Kanu,
It is beyond my limited
powersof comprehension
Someday, please have pity
And kindly explain to me
Just as you did To
The Valiant Arjuna
Tell me what is Truth?
What is the Meaning of all this?
And then perhaps
I shall accept that
The words that we spoke
Were perhaps
mere sounds, Hollow, meaningless-
Just dreams and not Reality!
Alright My Kanu!
The Mighty Krishna!
Just suppose for a moment
That I grant
That those moments of bliss, ecstasy
Were just figments
of my colourful imagination
Just wishful thinking, dreams-
And that those words were mere sounds
Hollow and meaningless-
Even if I accept
Just for a moment
That sin, redemption
Duty, Justice, Punishment
Are all the whole Truths,
The Only Truths-
Even then I am helpless
My Kanu!
I still remain
the very same
Ignorant lass
Your frivolous playmate
Who knows only what you tell her
Even if I collate
all that you have given me
I fail to understand
This Mighty Truth-
This War,This Destruction-
The placid waters
of the Yamuna,
Where I used to sit for hours together;
Gazing at my reflection-
Today on its banks,
Are countless ships and boats;
Filled with weapons of Death!
Where are they bound ?
Those broken bits of chariots,
Shreds of torn flags-
Whose are those?
Defeated soldiers,
Victorious soldiers
The roars that resound the skies
The stories of War
Of pain, of sorrow..
Tell me ,Is this The Truth?
Did you beckon the vultures?
Like you used to beckon
your meek cattle once?
Is this The Truth
And not That which has passed?
I fail to understand Kanu,
It is beyond my limited
powersof comprehension
Someday, please have pity
And kindly explain to me
Just as you did To
The Valiant Arjuna
Tell me what is Truth?
What is the Meaning of all this?
And then perhaps
I shall accept that
The words that we spoke
Were perhaps
mere sounds, Hollow, meaningless-
Just dreams and not Reality!
Itihaas-4
Amangal Chaaya -Inauspicious Shadow
Hey Radhe!
Today as you return
from the riverside;
Tread not the path-
Where the Kadamba tree stands
Where He used to wait for you
That place where you used to pay
HimHumble Obeisance
Tread not that path anymore!
The trampled leaves,
The rising dust,
The barren path,
Dont they reveal today
That Krishna's
Eighteen Akshahauni army
Will march by
This very path
Onward to the Battlefield!
Oh foolish lass!
Step aside-
Conceal your wounded Love,
Bide your broken heart,
To pound no more!
Today Krishnas army
Intoxicated by the thirst for blood
Shall march this way!
Agreed, Kanu is yours;
True, you are familiar
with every pore of His
But so does the Huge army
That belongs to Him
And they know you not
So step aside you foolish lass!
This bough of the Aamr tree
Was dear to Him,
As it is to you-
Every evening he used to wait-
Standing here,
For you to come-
Standing here,
He used to
Call your name on
His flute!
Today the very same bough
Is in the way
Of the Mighty army-
It stands a hurdle
To the speeding chariots!
The sky high flags
Shall get caught in its branches!
The shady Asoka tree
too is in the way-
So what if they are felled?
So what if they are uprooted?
So what if the Army tramples
On Memories underfoot?
The village has to hang
festoons and capers
To welcome
The Mighty Army!
Why are you sad?
Oh foolish lass?
What if todays Krishna
Remains a stranger;
What if Krishna
Is different from Kanu?
Do not shed a tear-
Do not lose heart-
True, in this war;
The song of your love
Has been drowned -
Everything is lost!
Rise in pride!
Hey Radha!
Just remember, your Beloved
Has an Eighteen Akshahauni Army
Under Him!
Who else can boast
of such an honour???
Hey Radhe!
Today as you return
from the riverside;
Tread not the path-
Where the Kadamba tree stands
Where He used to wait for you
That place where you used to pay
HimHumble Obeisance
Tread not that path anymore!
The trampled leaves,
The rising dust,
The barren path,
Dont they reveal today
That Krishna's
Eighteen Akshahauni army
Will march by
This very path
Onward to the Battlefield!
Oh foolish lass!
Step aside-
Conceal your wounded Love,
Bide your broken heart,
To pound no more!
Today Krishnas army
Intoxicated by the thirst for blood
Shall march this way!
Agreed, Kanu is yours;
True, you are familiar
with every pore of His
But so does the Huge army
That belongs to Him
And they know you not
So step aside you foolish lass!
This bough of the Aamr tree
Was dear to Him,
As it is to you-
Every evening he used to wait-
Standing here,
For you to come-
Standing here,
He used to
Call your name on
His flute!
Today the very same bough
Is in the way
Of the Mighty army-
It stands a hurdle
To the speeding chariots!
The sky high flags
Shall get caught in its branches!
The shady Asoka tree
too is in the way-
So what if they are felled?
So what if they are uprooted?
So what if the Army tramples
On Memories underfoot?
The village has to hang
festoons and capers
To welcome
The Mighty Army!
Why are you sad?
Oh foolish lass?
What if todays Krishna
Remains a stranger;
What if Krishna
Is different from Kanu?
Do not shed a tear-
Do not lose heart-
True, in this war;
The song of your love
Has been drowned -
Everything is lost!
Rise in pride!
Hey Radha!
Just remember, your Beloved
Has an Eighteen Akshahauni Army
Under Him!
Who else can boast
of such an honour???
Itihaas-3
Usi Aam Ke Neeche- Beneath the same Aamr tree
Those words that I uttered
As I hid my flushed face
In your bosom-
Today, I Wonder
if they ever meant anything????
When I proudly claimed
To have held
Time a prisoner
In my tressesToday
I wonder
Did that really happen?
Was all that merely a dream
Or Reality?
I can no longer remember-
all I know is
Even today-coming here
beneath this tree
Where you called my name
On your flute
My tormented soul
Finds solace and peace-
Nay, I refuse to think
I refuse to remember
Yet my restless, wanton fingers
They trace your name in the soil
Unknown to me
The very name
Which I call you by
During moments of our love
And suddenly I start!
I erase the name
That my treacherous fingers
Have traced in the soil-
Without remorse, regret-
What have I been reduced to?
Just an automaton
That at one moment
Scribes your name
And in the next
Erases it away-
without remorse?
Dusk falls-
I sit silently
In the gentle shade of
Our Aamr tree
A whiff of breeze
Gently caresses my cheek
Plays with my hair
I close my eyes
I try to imagine
That day when I sheltered you
In the folds of my garment
To protect you from the rain
And today
You are so far away-
Beyond reach
You have scaled
unattainable heights
But I cannot think further
Only that, here where you
Once gave me endless love
Today, I sit picking
Pebbles, straw and stones
Oh Kanu, tell me
What have I lost-
In your becoming A Legend?
What price did I have to pay
In your achieving Glory
I lie broken, unwanted, abandoned-
I still come here
Here, where we spent
Some blissful moments
The ground is strewn with
Fiery blossoms
All that remains even now
What has changed is
That, now I come alone-.
The parting in my hair is colourless
My steps falter
I return unfulfilled, desolate
Lost, forlorn-
Tell me, My Kanu,
All those words
That I spoke,
that you spoke
were they mere sounds?
Did they mean nothing?
Was all that just a Dream?
Or Wishful thinking?
I know not!!!???
Those words that I uttered
As I hid my flushed face
In your bosom-
Today, I Wonder
if they ever meant anything????
When I proudly claimed
To have held
Time a prisoner
In my tressesToday
I wonder
Did that really happen?
Was all that merely a dream
Or Reality?
I can no longer remember-
all I know is
Even today-coming here
beneath this tree
Where you called my name
On your flute
My tormented soul
Finds solace and peace-
Nay, I refuse to think
I refuse to remember
Yet my restless, wanton fingers
They trace your name in the soil
Unknown to me
The very name
Which I call you by
During moments of our love
And suddenly I start!
I erase the name
That my treacherous fingers
Have traced in the soil-
Without remorse, regret-
What have I been reduced to?
Just an automaton
That at one moment
Scribes your name
And in the next
Erases it away-
without remorse?
Dusk falls-
I sit silently
In the gentle shade of
Our Aamr tree
A whiff of breeze
Gently caresses my cheek
Plays with my hair
I close my eyes
I try to imagine
That day when I sheltered you
In the folds of my garment
To protect you from the rain
And today
You are so far away-
Beyond reach
You have scaled
unattainable heights
But I cannot think further
Only that, here where you
Once gave me endless love
Today, I sit picking
Pebbles, straw and stones
Oh Kanu, tell me
What have I lost-
In your becoming A Legend?
What price did I have to pay
In your achieving Glory
I lie broken, unwanted, abandoned-
I still come here
Here, where we spent
Some blissful moments
The ground is strewn with
Fiery blossoms
All that remains even now
What has changed is
That, now I come alone-.
The parting in my hair is colourless
My steps falter
I return unfulfilled, desolate
Lost, forlorn-
Tell me, My Kanu,
All those words
That I spoke,
that you spoke
were they mere sounds?
Did they mean nothing?
Was all that just a Dream?
Or Wishful thinking?
I know not!!!???
Itihaas-2
Sethu-Main- A Bridge?
From the valley below,
To the mountains high-
He who had to go
Has left!
Trampling underneath-
Me-History has snatched-
You from my arms!
Tell me, My Kanu,
Was I but aStepping stone?
Merely a channel
Crossing the chasm-
Between the playground
and the battlefield?
Now, these desolate peaks
My body-
the fragile gold beaded bridge-
Suspended between the valleys of Death
Deserted, Useless
Quivering, shuddering
I remain-the broken link-
He who had to leave
has left-
From the valley below,
To the mountains high-
He who had to go
Has left!
Trampling underneath-
Me-History has snatched-
You from my arms!
Tell me, My Kanu,
Was I but aStepping stone?
Merely a channel
Crossing the chasm-
Between the playground
and the battlefield?
Now, these desolate peaks
My body-
the fragile gold beaded bridge-
Suspended between the valleys of Death
Deserted, Useless
Quivering, shuddering
I remain-the broken link-
He who had to leave
has left-
Itihaas-1
Vipralabdha- The Lovelorn
The flames have died out
Only the ashes remain-
the moon has set
there is no melody,only noise
the magic, the effulgence, the ecstasy
all a thing of the past
just a few beads
in the broken string of memories...
The flowers have wilted
No fragrance
Just a whiff of stench lingers
Yesterday in my heart
There was mirth and joy
Today fear, silence, sorrow reigns
My mind once a temple
An idol was worshipped
Offerings made
Today in ruins
Idol remains
Offerings still made
Alas-prayers remain unfulfilled
No fruits received
The mirror of my mind
Once dazzled in your love
Alas! All that was yesterday
Today, on it has collected
The dust of Estrangement
The reflections are
Dim, misty, grotesque-
Tell me, who was it
That held in her tresses
Time a prisoner
Was that I?
Tell me who was it
That bade Nature
To stand awaiting at her door
Was that I?
Tell me, my Kanu,
Was that really me
Who as I lay in your arms
Was Light, Power and Magic
You left-like the arrow
I remain like the empty quiver
Shuddering in rebound
Today what is left of me
Just me, my body, and my memories-
I remain trapped in the past
Hostage to memories
Of your embrace
My tresses that held Time captive
Alas! The very same snake shackles
Today imprison me-
Now, just me, my body
My Life-a Daze?
Like a cinder hidden among ashes
Like the last drop
In an empty vessel-
Like a mournful croon-
rising in having gained and then lost
The flames have died out
Only the ashes remain-
the moon has set
there is no melody,only noise
the magic, the effulgence, the ecstasy
all a thing of the past
just a few beads
in the broken string of memories...
The flowers have wilted
No fragrance
Just a whiff of stench lingers
Yesterday in my heart
There was mirth and joy
Today fear, silence, sorrow reigns
My mind once a temple
An idol was worshipped
Offerings made
Today in ruins
Idol remains
Offerings still made
Alas-prayers remain unfulfilled
No fruits received
The mirror of my mind
Once dazzled in your love
Alas! All that was yesterday
Today, on it has collected
The dust of Estrangement
The reflections are
Dim, misty, grotesque-
Tell me, who was it
That held in her tresses
Time a prisoner
Was that I?
Tell me who was it
That bade Nature
To stand awaiting at her door
Was that I?
Tell me, my Kanu,
Was that really me
Who as I lay in your arms
Was Light, Power and Magic
You left-like the arrow
I remain like the empty quiver
Shuddering in rebound
Today what is left of me
Just me, my body, and my memories-
I remain trapped in the past
Hostage to memories
Of your embrace
My tresses that held Time captive
Alas! The very same snake shackles
Today imprison me-
Now, just me, my body
My Life-a Daze?
Like a cinder hidden among ashes
Like the last drop
In an empty vessel-
Like a mournful croon-
rising in having gained and then lost
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