MANJARI PARINAY-3

Tum Mere Kaun Ho???-Who are you to Me??

To date, I have failed to understand
Who are you to me
My Mind keeps repeating
Stubbornly, wonderingly, soulfully-

Who is this Kanu to you, do tell us,
My friends keep asking-
Teasing, taunting, accusing-
Who is Kanu to you?
Why dont you tell us?
My elders keep asking me
Rudely, unhappily, angrily
After all who is this Kanu to you???


And to date
I have been unable to give them an answer
Neither to me nor to them
For I too am at a loss
Who are you really to me, my Kanu?


Often when you clamber
Over thorny shrubs
To pluck blossoms
For my garland
Then in utter mirth
Swinging my long tresses
I murmurKanu is my Eternal Playmate!


Often when I am lost
In the deep forests
Running helplessly,in panic
Among fiery bushes
And blinding smoke
And you come to my rescue
You swoop me in your strong arms
As if I were a flower
And emerge out of
The licking flames
My being is filled withAwe,
gratitude and deep affection
And in a voice thick with emotionI murmur-
Kanha is my protector,my guardian, my brother!-


Often, when you call my name in your flute
And I am drawn towards you as if in trance
Like an intoxicated doe
You then crush me in your passionate embrace
I sigh, I murmur
Kanu Dearest, You are my Goal,
My ideal, my Essence;
My be all and end all!


But at times when you cruelly taunt me
Tease me in front of my friends
Then I am annoyed, offended, saddened
My eyes fill with unshed tears
And I vow
Kanu is No one to me-


But the very next moment
When clouds darken the horizon
Thunder bolts and Lightning strikes
Torrents of Rain
lash the earth
The forest path has been washed away
And I hurry to gather you
in the folds of my garment
I have to protect you
I lead you to shelter
To the outskirts of the village
And shall I confess to you My Dark One?
At that moment
I totally forget
How trivial a being I am
And that you are the very same Krishna
Who had protected entire Vrindavan
From the Fury of Floods
For the moment all that I know is
You are an infant
Drenched and helpless
And it is upto me and Me only
To protect you, shelter you!


And when I recounted to my friends
Of how I stood
at the outskirts of the village
clutching you to my bosom;
of how I wiped dry your -
crown of hair with my garment-
and hearing of my lavish affection
showered upon you,
My friends exchange knowing smiles;
Their eyes glinting with hidden mischief
Till today I know not why????


But when you in all Magnificence
challenged Mighty Indra
And you curdled
the poisoned waters
Of The Yamuna
In search of The Tyrant Serpent Kalia
Then suddenly I realize
Effulgence radiating from my being
I am your Shakthi!Your Yogamaya!
You are Purusha!I am Prakrithi!
I am The Omniscient!
I am Omnipotent!
I am You,You are Me!
Limitless, Formless, Endless-Power, Valour, Might!


But the very next Moment,
When You filled the parting in my hair,
With the fiery Aamr blossoms;
In the twilight glow of Dusk;
I am stunned, flustered,
And from The All pervading-
Power, Light,
MotionOf The entire Cosmos-
That I was;
I am suddenly
reduced to Nothingness,
I am bound within a miniscule existence-
Did You wish it so My Lord?


But I am aroused from my stupor
Realisation dawns
There are no limits, no boundaries
I am Your Eternal Bride
Your Cosmic Consort
Beyond time, beyond Space
From Time Immemorial
I have been Your Co-traveller
Along this Journey
thatHas no Beginning, No End
We were, We are, We shall-


But stubborn that you are
You take pleasure in tormenting me
You expect me to experience
Our Cosmic Bond
Within the limits of this Mortal Life
Retrace our Eternal steps
Within the confines
Of a single Birth
And hence I am lost
in the Maze of Relationships
I have had to take
such turns and bends
in this journey with you
That I keep forgetting
who I am
And Who You are to me!

And from the bottom less abyss
Of this world
I am faced by a volley of questions-
Frightened, I have tried in vain
to bind you
Within the shackles of Language:
Play mate, Guardian,
Idol,Infant,
Divine, Co-traveller-

In vain I try to explain
To give a name to myself
Friend, Ward,
Devotee,Mother,
Bride, Co-traveller!


Again and Again
I try To cross
the Chasm of Definitions
I try to reach out to you
But again and again
YouElude me
I reach for the Shore
But you are theBottomless Ocean
Which swallows me whole
I cease to be-
And yet- I remain
baffled, perplexed
I look askance
Oh tell me I beseech You,
My Kanha, who are you?????