Manjari Parinay- 2

Aamr Baur Ka Arth-The meaning of the Aamr Baur

My dearest,
Please do not get annoyed with me
For not having understood
The significance of the Aamr blossoms!

Many a time,
when you sent me
A half opened lotus bud
I understood that you
Had called me by twilight-

Many a time when you sent
A bunch of Bela blossoms
I understood that you were waiting-

Many a time when you sent
Two fiery Agasthya flowers
I understood that you
Wanted to adorn my feet
With the redness of the flowers-

Today, if I failed to understand
The significance of the Aamr blossoms
Do you have to get
So offended?
True, you have often told me,
"Radhan, your fluttering eyelashes
Are but trails that lead me to you"
So often have you said,
"Radhan, Your fragile slender arms
Beckon to me";
So many times have you said-
"Radhan,Your lips, your eyelashes,
your arms, your feet,lead me to you".

You of the Sandalwood fragrance,
Many a time
In your embrace
I have found myself just merging into you.
Released from the bondage of the body;
I am just a whiff of fragrance,
Like that of the Rajnigandha flowers;
That blossom at midnight...
So also in your arms,
I am rendered formless,
limitless, colourless!

Oh thou who sculpts my form!
Was the parting in my tresses
The Ultimate challenge
Which you sought to overcome
By strewing upon it
The fiery Aamr blossoms?
How did I forget
that my Eternal playmate
Always sought to-
remove by putting in,
Dissolve by adding;
Was the parting in my tresses
The Final Barrier?
That you removed by filling in
With the fresh, pure, pungent blossoms?

And me-The fool that I was-
Failed to grasp the inner meaning
But don't you know me my Kanu,
I am the very same fickle lass
Who on filling my pitcher with water;
Seeing the reflection of my winsome eyes
Mistook them for fish
And threw away the water!

Oh my friend!
Forgive my ignorance
But pray do not restrict me.
Let me be;
Some day, perhaps
my ignorance shall dissolve
And if not then what?
Won't you still take me in your arms?
Sometimes annoyed, at other times amused.
Sometimes angry;
Yet with Love and Passion.
Pray, tell me, why then should I let go?
I shall keep committing such follies
Am I not your Stubborn,
naughty, ignorant playmate?

And tonight in the clutches of solitude-
when I am far away-
From your sandalwood embrace,
In the abyssymal darkness of the night;
As my body writhes
in the throes of seperation-
The agony reveals to me,
Your language of the Aamr blossoms
That you had scribed in
The parting of my hair.

The Aamr blossoms have a pungent fragrance
So have you said to me-
That its the very same pungence
That you find within me
And which you cherish so!

Those virgin blossoms
were the first of the season
Untouched, fresh and pure
And so was I, My lord!

Then was it that
The bough that leaned towards you
Those fresh virgin blossoms
With which you filled
the Parting in my tresses

Was that Me?
Why My Dearest?
Is that why you oft repeated
That you loved me not for yourself
But for me?
Is that what you wanted to proclaim
That You were symbolically marrying me
With my own being, my own essence?

And when you commanded me
to cover my face with the Bridal veil
Were you conveying
That I was to cherish
My Essence, my purity?

Alas! I have to admit
I failed to comprehend
The hidden meanings of your actions
Your Love that is far removed
from The Mortal Reality-
Tell me, is it easy to understand
The Language of Your Love,
And that too by Me-
Who tends to forget ordinary Language,
In the intoxication of your Love-
How can you expect
Me to understand
Your cosmic language!

Poor Me! Who made herself
A laughing stock
By raving and ranting your name aloud
Along the streets and alleys
How can then it be my fault
If I failed to understand
The script of the Aamr blossoms
That you scribed in the parting of my hair?

And now in this wretched solitude
Far away from you
As I writhe in the throes of Seperation...
The pungent fragrance
of the Aamr blossoms
In my hair reveal to me
The Eternal Cosmic Secret!
Realisation Dawns!
The Secret Of your Love
That which assimilates, absolves, binds
And yet liberates-
Alas! Why do you abandon me My Lord?
Only to savour the agony
To experience the various shades and hues
of Sorrow in your Separation???