Manjari Parinay -1

Aamr Baur ka Geet-The song of the Aamr Baur

At times when I fail to respond
While in your arms
Why don't you understand My Lord?
Its not that I am unmoved;
Remember that shyness
is not just of the body
But of the mind too.
A sweet fear
An unknown doubt
An inexplicable ache
A yearning, a longing,
A sorrow;
Overcomes my being
Even at those moments of bliss.

Fear, Doubt, Reticence, Sorrow
Like fickle friends, overcome me
I am rendered helpless
And then I am unable to come to you
When you call my name on your flute..

That day, as you waited for me
Standing by the blossom laden Aamr tree;
The setting rays shedding its melancholic glow,
Upon the peacock feathers on your forehead...
Helplessly, I bid farewell
I did not come.

The cows gazed upon you;
With their innocent upturned eyes
Then slowly retraced their steps
Along the path home
Leaving you forlorn
Yet I did not come.

Dusk fell;
The fishermen trudged wearily homewards
The oars on their shoulders
From the shores of the Yamuna
Still I did not come.

You set aside the Flute
Silent, desolate, Lonely
You remained waiting
Under the Aamr tree
You plucked a bunch of Aamr blossoms
From a low leaning branch

You took slow hesitant steps
Along the oneway path
But do you realize what your fingers did?
Unknown even to you
Your fingers ,they
Scattered the Aamr blossoms
Strew it along the bare, pure forest path!

What have you done my Lord?
What is it that you are trying to convey?
Is it that you were symbolically filling
the pure, untouched parting in my hair?
But Alas! Woe upon me!
I did not realize the significance of your deed
And blessed with the effulgence of ethereal wedlock;
Hiding my radiant face in my Bridal veil,
To seek your blessings
I did not come.

Oh Lord of Mine!
Please do not forget
I am the very same fickle lass
Whose feet, when you took unto your lap
To adorn it with the redness of the forest flowers
My body shuddering in shyness
I withdrew my feet hastily
And crushing them between my knees
I sat unmoving-
My heart pounding-
But when dusk fell;
In the solitude of the twilight hour,
In the confines of my home,
I kept gazing at my feet with unblinking eyes,
And slowly, stealthily, softly,
I kissed my blessed feet.

The night has deepened,
You have gone-
Sad, lonely, disappointed;
My tears, they flow unchecked;
I embrace the Aamr tree,
Where you waited for me...

And I return,
Tired and depressed-
The scattered blossoms-
Pierce my feet;
But who will tell you,
My Dusky Lord,
You had called for me,
And I heard you,
That late though,
Come I did...
That my feet were hurt and bruised;
By the blossoms, pebbles and thorns,
Not that the path was long;
But that I ran along.
How will I let you know-
That at those moments of our Sublime union;
Its not that I break away from you,
But that shyness is not merely of the body;
But of the mind too.

An unknown fear,
A nameless doubt,
A yearning, a longing,
An undefined sorrow-
All these barriers have I to break-
To reach across to You
But come I will
Perhaps a little late
Yet I shall come
To you, My Life,
Won't you then take me in your arms
In your eternal Embrace
Oh My Dusky Lord??